


tis the season to be jolly (but baby i've got the blues)

by kungfucoffee



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Slow Burn, but theres a ton of meanie, christmas-themed but it's not important, everyone isnt a pop star except for jisoo! au, like nine years of slow burn lmao, pre-established meanie, reunion! au, this is mainly a cheolsoo fic btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 09:00:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8973265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kungfucoffee/pseuds/kungfucoffee
Summary: almost five years after graduation, jeon wonwoo is brought back to his hometown for the christmas holidays, and reunited with his old best friends from high school. as he introduces his boyfriend, kim mingyu, to the group and the ins-and-outs, old tension re-surfaces between hong jisoo, the class nerd who returned from his time overseas in america as a platinum pop star, and choi seungcheol, your average high school popular guy turned successful business man.





	

**Author's Note:**

> the ending is so bad its like not funny  
> like its so rushed but i promised myself i would post it before christmas and i won't have the time to write more  
> also sorry for the jumbled povs but i thought it would be interesting to give different perspectives onto cheolsoo's story.

“Remind me again why we’re going to my house for Christmas?” Wonwoo teased Mingyu as he pressed his foot on the gas pedal, the scenery outside of their car progressively turning to more and more farmland.

“Because,” Mingyu sighed for the millionth time, leaning over to turn the radio up, “My family is going to Hawaii for the vacations, and we don’t have enough money to pay for plane tickets _and_ our rent.” Wonwoo chuckled as Mingyu started bobbing his head to Ariana Grande’s rendition of “Last Christmas”.

“You’re lucky my parents love you so much,” Wonwoo turned the volume even higher.

“You love me more, though,” Mingyu laughed as Wonwoo started bobbing to the music too.

Wonwoo smiled, turning his eyes back to the road. They were in total village area now, and long gone were the towering skyscrapers and stifling pollution of Seoul. The feeling was there, but even Wonwoo, a man of so many extensive words, couldn’t put a word to it. It was his first time coming home to the small town that he had grown up in for two years, ever since he graduated college. As he passed by the familiar rest stops and tourist attractions, he couldn’t help but remember the first time he had introduced Mingyu to his parents.

They had known that he was gay since his second year of high school, but Wonwoo hadn’t ever introduced any of his boyfriends to his parents before, fearing that the concept of having a gay son would become more real for them, and that they’d react negatively.

So, in true dumbass fashion, Wonwoo introduced Mingyu to his parents as “his best friend” when he took him home during winter break his second year of college. Later that night, his dad had walked in on the two of them making out—no mistletoe involved.

The two had been very accepting and cute about it, and whenever Wonwoo got a package in the mail from his parents, they sent something for Mingyu too.

“Babe!” Mingyu yelled loudly, startling Wonwoo.

“Sorry, sorry,” Wonwoo shook his head, “I was spacing. What’s up?”

Mingyu smiled at Wonwoo’s adorableness. “Isn’t our exit up next?” Wonwoo cursed under his breath and maneuvered the car across the freeway to get off.

“You might as well just drive here instead of me,” Wonwoo joked, “You know the way so well by now.” Mingyu smiled, patting Wonwoo’s thigh.

“Is there anything special planned this time?” Mingyu asked curiously, looking out of the window at the snowy fields. “We took a lot of time off this year.”

“I still can’t believe you were willing to take off two whole weeks just for me,” Wonwoo murmured quietly, “You really didn’t have to do this.”

“Hey, hey,” Mingyu reassured his boyfriend, “We’ve already talked about this. Your parents are old and you wanted to spend a bit more time with them, and so I’ll spend more time with them too.”

“Yeah, but I can work from anywhere,” Wonwoo retorted, “You, on the other hand, have to actually take a vacation.”

“Wonwoo!” Mingyu laughed, shaking his head, “Stop worrying so much!”

Wonwoo, as an editor for a Korean publisher that specialized in English-to-Korean translation, could work anywhere as long as he had connection to wifi. Mingyu, on the other hand, was a pediatric nurse, and taking days off was very complicated.

As Wonwoo pulled up into his parents’ driveway, Mingyu checked his hair in the mirror. Even after five years of knowing Wonwoo’s parents, Mingyu still wanted to make sure he was making a good impression on them.

“My sister comes in tomorrow, she’s flying in from Hong Kong with her boyfriend,” Wonwoo motioned for Mingyu to get out of the car, “Go get the suitcases, I’ll get our stuff from the backseat.” Bundled up in their scarves and coats, the two lugged all of their baggage to the front steps, and Wonwoo fumbled with his keys for a second before unlocking the door.

A gust of warm air washed over the two, and Mingyu instantly relaxed. Wonwoo’s house had a certain smell to it that Mingyu found incredibly comforting.

“My sons!” Wonwoo’s mom, Dabin, bustled out into the living room, taking the suitcases from Mingyu. “Did you drive safely? You packed everything? Did you eat this morning? Mingyu-ah, why do you look so skinny? Wonwoo, what have I been telling you? Feed him more!”

“I’m fine, Eomma!” Mingyu smiled, bending down to hug her gently. After he was released, Dabin swept Wonwoo up in a huge hug, ruffling his hair.

“Jaewon!” Dabin yelled loudly, “Come greet them! Stop tinkering away on that stupid cell phone!”

A loud groan sounded through the house, followed by Wonwoo’s father’s slippers hitting the hard wood floor of the kitchen.

“Good afternoon,” Jaewon nodded to Mingyu, patting him on the bag after giving him a handshake. Wonwoo got a huge hug from his dad, and then Jaewon began wordlessly helping Mingyu drag the suitcases to Wonwoo’s room where the two always stayed.

Jaewon left Mingyu to set the suitcases in the corner and hang up Wonwoo and his coats in Wonwoo’s closet. When he returned to the kitchen, Wonwoo was sitting at the table peeling garlic, while Jaewon poured rice into the rice cooker and Dabin bustled around the stove.

“Kwon Soonyoung is back in town, you know?” Dabin motioned to Wonwoo, “The boy hasn’t been back in years, but his mom told me that he’s back. It’s been a while since you’ve seen him, huh?”

“Soonyoung from high school?” Mingyu asked, taking a seat at the table next to Wonwoo. Without having to be asked, he pulled the big plastic basin of herbs towards him and started plucking the leaves off of the stalks.

“Yeah,” Wonwoo smiled at Mingyu, “Soonyoung was the dancer. I haven’t seen him in so long; after we graduated he practically disappeared off the face of the earth. I can’t believe he’s back.”

+

_“Where the hell is he?” Jeonghan groaned, tugging on his hair. Chan raced into the room, panting. Ten pairs of eyes turned to the young boy._

_“I couldn’t find him anywhere, and Mrs. Kwon says he hasn’t been home all night.” Chan panted out._

_“Phone’s turned completely off,” Wonwoo offered._

_“He also hasn’t been to the dance studio in three days,” Jun added._

_A small sniffle broke the tension hovering above the group. Jihoon was curled up on Soonyoung’s bed, face burrowed into his pillow._

_Minghao got up and settled down next to Jihoon, patting him on the hair._

_“Hyung, he’ll be okay,” Minghao reassured him, “Soonyoung hyung is one of the strongest people I know.”_

_“It’s just,” Jihoon’s voice cracked, and Wonwoo averted his eyes down. Jihoon was normally so blunt, so aggressive; seeing him so broken like this was disconcerting. “First Jisoo, now Soonyoung. I feel like since graduation, our group has been falling apart.”_

+

“Oh, Wonwoo, I forgot to ask you while you were driving here,” Dabin looked up from the stove, “Can you and Mingyu run to the store and buy another bag of flour? I ran out, and I wanted to make pie.”

“Of course, Mom,” Wonwoo smiled, getting up to go grab his coat. Mingyu went out to the car and started it up, making sure that the heater was on full blast. “Sorry to drag you around like this.”

Mingyu shook his head with a smile. “Don’t worry about it, seriously,” He assured Wonwoo, “And besides, anything to please the lovely Mrs. Jeon.”

Wonwoo chuckled and carefully maneuvered out of the driveway, paying mind to the slick ice coating the roads. He’d put chains on the tires just specially for their trip.

“The store’s not that far from here, right?” Mingyu commented, nose glued to the cold window as he started at the passing town. Wonwoo’s neighborhood was mostly the residential area, and they would have to go downtown to get to the big grocery store.

“Nah,” Wonwoo shook his head, smiling, “Soonyoung used to bike there, and it only took him fifteen minutes. Plus, he only lives a block away from us.”

“Gotcha,” Mingyu nodded, “You know, of all the times I’ve been here, I love being here during the holidays. People here really take Christmas seriously.” Wonwoo glanced out the window when he came to a stop sign and chuckled.

The trees on the side of the road were filled with Christmas lights, and the houses were decorated with red, white and green decorations. The local radio stations played old, old Christmas carols in Korean and English.

“ _Have yourself a merry little Christmas,”_ Wonwoo began singing along loudly to the radio. Mingyu groaned. “ _May your days be briiiiiiiiiiiight!”_

“Stop showing off your English skills!” Mingyu complained, “We get it, you’re fluent!”

“Hey,” Wonwoo grinned, “I worked my ass off in college to get this far in English, let me have my fun.”

Mingyu just groaned again and pointed outside. “We’re here, dork, you can turn the engine off.”

After grabbing a shopping basket, the two entered the grocery store. Surprisingly enough, it was fairly empty.

“Do you know where the flour is?” Mingyu asked Wonwoo, looking up at the signs over the aisles. Wonwoo shook his head.

“Negative. It’s been a while since I’ve been here, and they’ve rearranged everything,” Wonwoo sighed, “Well, let’s start looking.”

After ten minutes of scanning up and down the aisles, they finally found the flour—and someone in front of it.

“Excuse me, sir,” Wonwoo muttered, trying to get around him. When the man turned around, Wonwoo gasped.

“Seokmin?”

A huge grin spread across the man’s face. “Wonwoo!”

The two exchanged hugs, and when they pulled away, Wonwoo dragged Mingyu over.

“Seokmin, this is Mingyu, my boyfriend. Mingyu, this is Seokmin, one of the guys I went to school with,” He introduced the two happily. “Seokmin, how have you been?”

“Pretty good,” Seokmin nodded, letting Wonwoo grab the flour off the shelf. “Just chugging along, trying to survive work. My parents practically dragged my ass back home to rest for a bit.”

“Soonyoung’s back in town too,” Wonwoo mentioned, setting the flour into the cart. Seokmin studied Wonwoo’s face, puzzled.

“Yeah, of course he’s back,” Seokmin said, “We’re all back.”

Wonwoo gaped at Seokmin.

“Did no one tell you?” Seokmin face-palmed, “Dude, the gang’s getting back together for a reunion of sorts! Soonyoung was supposed to tell you!”

“Well, he never told me anything, that’s for sure,” Wonwoo said worriedly, looking over at Mingyu, who just shook his head and smiled, taking Wonwoo’s hand in his own. It was his own, quiet way of saying not to worry about him. “Soonyoung probably just spazzed out, what’s new.”

“You right,” Seokmin chuckled at that, “Well, anyways, we’re going out to dinner at Taste of Italy tomorrow, if you’d be interested in going. I’m sure the boys would be glad to meet Mingyu, as well. We’d wanna see who’s taking care of our little Emo Boy when we’re not there.” Wonwoo groaned, and Mingyu snorted in laughter.

“Emo Boy?” He snickered, poking Wonwoo in the side.

“Oh, my friend, we have much to tell you,” Seokmin laughed at Wonwoo’s obvious agony, “Anyways, I’ll text you the details, yeah?”

“Wait,” Wonwoo held out his palm, “I changed my number since I graduated, so the number you have won’t go through.” As he punched his new number into Seokmin’s phone, Seokmin chattered away.

“That’s probably why Soonyoung couldn’t get a hold of you, huh?” Seokmin nodded with a grin, “Anyways, hopefully I’ll see you there, yeah?”

“Yeah, for sure!” Wonwoo waved to Seokmin, who pushed his cart down the aisle.

“So,” Mingyu wove an arm around Wonwoo’s waist and rested his chin on Wonwoo’s shoulder. “I guess I’m meeting the second family tomorrow night, huh?”

Later that night, as Wonwoo brushed his teeth and Mingyu changed into his sleeping clothes, Mingyu couldn’t help but worry about the next day.

“What if they don’t like me?” Mingyu murmured to Wonwoo, the two curled up underneath Wonwoo’s thick comforter. “What if they think I’m weird, or talk too much, or not enough?”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Wonwoo curled up closer to Mingyu, threading his fingers through Mingyu’s hair. The younger relaxed into Wonwoo’s touch. “Don’t worry about it. They would be stupid not to love you.”

+

“This is adorable,” Mingyu commented as the two got out of Wonwoo’s car.

Wonwoo had promised Mingyu since college that he would take him to this diner that he used to go to every Sunday morning with his father, but he’d never gotten around to doing it. Finally, he had the opportunity to do take him.

Wonwoo pushed the door open, and the smells of bacon, sizzling eggs and coffee assaulted his senses. Mingyu smiled at the fake snow coating the windows and front steps. After seating themselves and slipping out of their huge coats, scarves and beanies, Wonwoo picked up the menu.

“I used to always get the same thing,” he reminisced with a wistful smile, “Toast, one egg and oatmeal.”

“Oatmeal!” Mingyu mimed vomiting, “You’re such a grandma!”

“Hi, welcome to Lee’s Diner, how may I help you?” The server came up to their table, head bowed as he fumbled with his order pad.

“Lee Chan, is that you?” Wonwoo asked in a light voice, making the server look up. He was short, with young features and chocolate brown hair falling in his eyes. The kid perked up when he saw Wonwoo, and discarded his note pad in favor of a huge hug.

“Hyung!” The kid—Chan—exclaimed loudly, drawing the attention of other customers. “Whoops. Hyung, are you back for the reunion too?” Wonwoo laughed.

“I actually didn’t know about it; Mingyu and I are just here to visit my parents,” Wonwoo explained. Chan turned to Mingyu with a huge smile.

“Hello!” Chan bowed low, making Mingyu smile at his enthusiasm. “I’m Lee Chan, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Kim Mingyu,” Mingyu responded.

“Can I get you guys anything to drink?” Chan asked, suddenly remembering that he was supposed to be working.

Mingyu chuckled at that, “Can I get a black coffee?”

“I’ll have the same.” Wonwoo added in his low rumble. Chan bowed and scurried off to the kitchen. “Chan is a good kid,” Wonwoo mused, watching him greet new customers cheerfully as the bell on the door to the diner rang. “I babysat him a lot as a kid; his dad was working two full-time jobs, and his mom was never really around, always travelling for work. He’s been through a lot.”

+

_“Turn right here, hyung!” Chan giggled, pointing to the street sign up ahead._

_“You’re excited for the showcase, kid?” Wonwoo asked as he easily complied, flicking his turn signal on._

_“Yeah!” Chan started bouncing up and down in his seat. “Eomma said she might be able to come.”_

_“She still hasn’t come back from her trip?” Wonwoo asked cautiously, not wanting to upset the younger. Mutely, Chan just shook his head no._

_“Don’t stress too much, yeah?” Wonwoo reached over to ruffle Chan’s hair. “Hey, space-boy, your phone’s ringing.”_

_“Oh!” Chan fumbled for it. “It’s Soonyoung!”_

_“Answer it!” Wonwoo’s eyes darted over to Chan’s screen, where Soonyoung’s obnoxious profile picture was. Chan swiped over and raised the phone to his ear._

_“Hyung! Where have you be-“_

_Wonwoo froze, glancing over at Chan. His face had turned ghostly white, and his hands were shaking._

_“Chan?”_

_The kid leaned forward, shakily shoving everything into his bag._

_“Chan?”_

_Chan leaned over to open the car door._

_“Hey! Hey, stop, Chan!” Wonwoo yelled, reaching over to try and stop him from running out into midday traffic. “Tell me what’s wrong, snap out of it!” As though he couldn’t hear him, Chan wrenched the door open and started running in the opposite direction._

_After hastily parking, Wonwoo raced after the younger, finally finding him on the doorsteps of his house. His head was buried in his knees and he had tears running down his face._

_“Hey, buddy,” Wonwoo dropped down, sinking to the stairs next to Chan. He wrapped an arm around the younger’s trembling body, pulling him closer. “Calm down. You need to tell hyung what’s wrong so that I can help.”_

_“You_ can’t _help,” Chan lifted up his tearstained face so that he was looking at Wonwoo, “This isn’t some problem that can just be fixed!”_

_“Well, why don’t you tell me and I’ll try to help you.”_

_“You can’t help me!” Chan exploded, standing up, “Soonyoung hyung found his dad with my mom at some love hotel in Seoul! All those stupid “business trips” were just chances for them to meet up and laugh behind our backs at how incredibly fucking stupid we were to believe them. That’s why Soonyoung’s been gone for so long, that’s why he disappeared after finals. He went looking for his dad. And Soonyoung looked it up, whenever his dad was gone on a business trip, so was my mom. She’s been cheating on my dad for three_ fucking _years now, hyung. **Three years**.”_

_Chan sank back to the floor, body shaking from his sobs. Wonwoo went over and brushed his hair from his face._

_Jihoon was right. The group really was falling apart._

+

Mingyu’s eyes followed Chan as he bustled to get the customers menus and showed them to a table, all the while smiling at them. After making a trip back to the kitchen, Chan brought out their coffees.

“Are you still going to uni here?” Wonwoo asked Chan, stirring two packets of sugar into his coffee.

“Yup!” Chan nodded proudly, “I work here on weekends, and since I got an entire month off for winter break, I’m working here full-time for now. I think Boss has a soft spot for me.”

“You’re still in college?” Mingyu asked, and Chan nodded. “Cool, what’s your major?”

Chan beamed at the chance to talk more to this new person, “Physical therapy!”

“Isn’t that what—“ Wonwoo’s forehead creased, eyes scanning Chan’s face.

“Yeah,” Chan muttered, looking away, “If he refused to do it, I will. I’m not a coward.”

The bell on the door rang again, jolting Chan up as he ran to greet the customer.

“Hello sir, welcome to—“

“Oh my goodness, Lee Chan and Jeon Wonwoo?”

“Jisoo-hyung?” Chan yelped, looking closer at the man.

The customer was wearing a long black coat, a grey baseball cap and a black face mask, which he pulled off to peer closer at Chan.

“Jisoo-hyung!” Chan cried out, throwing himself onto the man. “You came!”

Wonwoo looked over the table at Mingyu, who shook his head and gestured for Wonwoo to get up.

“Friends are important, Wonton-ah,” Mingyu grinned, “Go greet him, I can check my email real quick.” Wonwoo squeezed Mingyu’s hand in thanks, and got up to go greet his friend.

“Hong Jisoo, are my eyes deceiving me?” Wonwoo greeted his old friend roughly, pulling him in for a hug. He felt tears pricking his eyes. They pulled away, and Wonwoo kept his hands on Jisoo’s shoulders, staring at the other man’s slowly watering eyes. “Where have you been?” He asked, voice barely a whisper.

“Joshua,” A tall Caucasian man came up behind Jisoo and rested a hand on his shoulder. In English, he continued, “I’ll just head back to the hotel. Stay safe and be smart.” Jisoo nodded, and the man left the diner. Wonwoo, would understood everything, narrowed his eyes.

“Joshua?” Wonwoo turned to Jisoo in confusion. “He calls you Joshua?”

“Ah, hyungs?” Chan reminded the two, “Can you go sit down or something? You’re blocking the door.”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry about that!” Wonwoo motioned for Jisoo to sit down at their booth.

After introducing Jisoo to Mingyu—who wouldn’t stop staring at him, Wonwoo noticed—Chan brought out Jisoo a cup of coffee as well.

“So,” Wonwoo folded his hands and leaned towards Jisoo. “Start talking. Where have you been?”

Jisoo sighed and rested his head in his hands for a second. “After the,” Jisoo waved his hand, “You know, the thing before graduation, my parents and I decided that it would be better for me to just return to the States with my grandparents.”

“That’s why—“

“Yeah,” Jisoo nodded, looking slightly embarrassed, “That’s why I literally disappeared off the face of the earth. When I got to Los Angeles, I got a new phone, and deleted my Kakao, Line, my email, anything that connected me to Korea, and I went to UCLA, majored in Music. My senior year, a track that I’d done for a final got sent to a recording label, and they signed me. Ever since, I’ve just been making music in America.”

Mingyu snapped his fingers, “That’s where I know you from!” He pulled out his phone and opened it to the music app. “You’re not too popular here, right? But in America, everyone knows you!” He showed his phone to Wonwoo, who glanced down at the album art and back up at him.

In front of him was Hong Jisoo, the man he’d grown up with and watched fall in and out of love. On the album art was Joshua, posed with a black guitar, lips parted like he was a porcelain doll.

“How do you even know this?” Wonwoo asked Mingyu in amusement.

“Remember my roommate our sophomore year?” Mingyu grinned, taking his cell phone back and tucking it away. “The foreign exchange one from America! He would always study listening to your albums, he said it helped because it was acoustic. When I went to med school, that’s how I survived those papers I had to wrote.”

“You mean those songs you would play on loop until I wanted to throw your speakers out,” Wonwoo’s voice trailed off as he pointed at Jisoo. Shaking his head, he pulled out his phone and googled “Joshua Hong”.

“Holy shit.”

Joshua Hong, it seemed, was the winner of three Teen Choice Awards, an AMA, had completed two USA tours and had a platinum album out.

Jisoo blushed.

“So, are you coming tonight?” Chan asked excitedly, bringing their orders out.

Jisoo shrugged, looking down at his pancakes. “I dunno. I took a vacation to relax. I don’t think going to meet up with everyone, especially Seungcheol, would be too relaxing.”

Mingyu had heard that name before, Seungcheol, hissed by Wonwoo when he was on the phone with his old high school friends, normally followed by a curse.

“Jisoo,” Wonwoo said sternly, “Don’t keep on letting that asshole hold you back from living your life.”

“So can you explain this to me?” Mingyu complained when they were back in the car and on the road, “What’s the deal with Chan and Soonyoung, and why is Jisoo so angsty about Seungcheol? I’m so incredibly confused, I feel like I just got thrown into a real-life Pretty Little Liars episode!”

Wonwoo laughed.

“It’s a bit complicated,” Wonwoo explained, “As I’m sure you figured out, shit really hit the fan right after my high school graduation, but really, it all started three months before graduation, on our senior trip.”

+

_“Can you believe this is really happening?” Jeonghan smiled as he boarded the bus, backpack in one hand and pillow in the other. “Our senior trip! Before you know it, we’ll have graduated!”_

_“South Jeolla, here we come!” Jun grinned, taking a seat on the huge charter bus. Jisoo followed close behind, his guitar slung across his back._

_“Why don’t you just put that with the luggage?” Jihoon pointed to the huge thing, “That’s gonna get in the way.”_

_Wonwoo took his seat and settled down, taking out his three books from his backpack._

_“You’re so strange, Wonu,” Soonyoung giggled at Wonwoo’s books taking the seat next to him._

_“Hey, where’s Seungcheol?” Jeonghan mentioned, looking around for a bit. Jisoo rolled his eyes._

_“On the other bus, sitting with the basketball guys,” He muttered, turning his head so that he was looking out the window. The other boys traded sympathetic looks._

_The drive there took about half the day, and the boys were glad to stretch out their legs._

_“Okay, kids!” Their chaperon exclaimed, clapping his hands, “Let’s head on over to the cabins! I’ll give you your cabin and team assignments first, and then we can get started with the day!”_

_As Jisoo and Wonwoo headed over to follow the chaperon, Jisoo caught sight of Seungcheol and jogged over._

_“Hey,” he said breathlessly, “Why didn’t you sit with us on the bus?”_

_Seungcheol looked up at Jisoo. For a moment, regret flickered over his face, but then his teammates joined him._

_“C’mon Cheol, don’t get stuck talking with this loser,” One of them joked, “The gay might rub off on you.” Jisoo raised an eyebrow at Seungcheol and shook his head, walking off to go join Wonwoo again. Hurt was clearly painted across his face._

_“Ignore them, they’re just being stupid,” Wonwoo reassured his friend, “He’ll come around eventually.”_

+

“Wow, he really was an asshole,” Mingyu commented, wrinkling his nose.

“That’s not even the least of Jisoo’s problems,” Wonwoo shook his head. “Of course, as fate would have it, Jisoo got put in a team and cabin with Seungcheol and two of his teammates.”

+

_“Just don’t talk to me,” Seungcheol hissed at Jisoo, who had tried to start a conversation with him on their way back to their cabin from dinner._

_Hurt, Jisoo watched Seungcheol run up to go join his friends._

_“You really can’t keep on letting him walk over you like_

_this,” Soonyoung commented as he and Wonwoo started walking with Jisoo. They’d both witnessed the whole thing._

_“He’s being a total asshole,” Wonwoo muttered under his breath. “Ignore him.”_

_The next morning, when they were getting breakfast, Jisoo got there late. Someone had left his tennis shoes outside, and the rain had completely soaked through the soles._

_While they were participating in their first activity, Jisoo discovered that his water bottle had been filled with mud._

+

“And it was Seungcheol’s jock friends who did this?” Mingyu mused, pursing his lips.

“Yup,” Wonwoo nodded, rolling his eyes, “Seungcheol knew the entire time what was going on, and didn’t lift a finger to help Jisoo out. They were supposed to be friends. It gets worse, though.”

+

_Jisoo sighed, scrubbing his hair. The activities for the day had finished, and everyone had already been through the showers and were in the dining hall. Jisoo had taken a long time to get out of his clothing, stuck to his body from the wet mud. Someone had come behind him and shoved him into a huge puddle, and when he’d finally gotten up, one of Seungcheol’s stupid friends had tripped him again, making him scrape his knees. He’d seen Seungcheol out of the corner of his eyes, quietly observing and not doing a damn thing._

_He was the last person in the showers, glad to have some peace and quiet to himself. Once he had cleaned his hair out, he started working on scrubbing his body._

_As he was rinsing off, he heard the door open and footsteps squeaking inside._

_“Hello?” Jisoo called out, worried. His heart started thudding. “Is anybody there?”_

_“Hurry the fuck up!” Someone giggled, and the footsteps faded. Jisoo poked his head out of the stall and looked around—the locker room was empty._

_Sighing, Jisoo fumbled around for his towel. It wasn’t where he had left it—maybe those people had jostled it when they were running. Jisoo looked out of the cubicle. His towel was completely gone, and from his stall he could see that his clothing had been taken too._

_As he retreated back to the warmth of his stall, tears collecting in his eyes, something caught his eye. The people who took his clothes probably dropped it, he mused._

_Bending over, he realized it was a wallet. When he flicked it open, he felt his blood run cold._

_Inside the wallet, smiling up at him with the dimples that had made his heart melt, was Choi Seungcheol’s school ID card and credit cards._

_“Fuck you!” Jisoo shouted, hurling the wallet across the locker room in rage. His chest heaved up and down, and he collapsed down inside the locker room._

+

“Are you serious?” Mingyu stared open-mouthed at Wonwoo in disgust and shock. They’d gotten to Wonwoo’s house, but had stayed in the car to finish the story. “What the actual fuck?”

Wonwoo nodded grimly. “I found him three hours later, totally gone. He’d been through a panic attack and had scratched his skin so hard he drew blood. The locker room also got super cold, and a teacher and I ended up having to take him to the hospital. Jisoo didn’t speak to Seungcheol after that, and neither did I.”

“I understand that,” Mingyu began gently, “And obviously, what he did was terrible, but he just sounds like a teenage boy trying desperately to fit in and look cool. I feel kind of bad for him.”

 “I suppose, but I guess I just don’t have any sympathy left for him,” Wonwoo explained, sighing, “Jisoo was massively in love with Seungcheol. In fact, he told me at the beginning of the trip that he was _excited_ to room with Seungcheol, and that he was planning on confessing to Seungcheol on the last day of our trip.”

“Oh my god,” Mingyu gasped, covering his mouth.

“Yeah. After we graduated, like I mentioned before, Jisoo just totally disappeared off the map, but we all still hung out during that summer, and Seungcheol went with us.” Wonwoo shrugged, “We all just kind of refused to talk about what had happened, except for this one time.”

“Well can you tell me about it?” Mingyu demanded, frowning.

“Not now,” Wonwoo laughed at Mingyu’s cute reaction, “We need to get back into the house, my sister’s probably home by now.”

Wonwoo’s sister, it turned out, wasn’t home when they got back, so Wonwoo headed upstairs to do some work. Mingyu decided to stay downstairs and help out Dabin.

Wonwoo settled down at his old desk, feeling nostalgia wash over him of his old high school days, slaving away at that desk. He pulled out his laptop and powered it up, settling down to work. First, he opened up his email, and then opened the Google Doc with his most recent work.

Before he knew it, three hours had passed by, and Wonwoo was finally done with the necessary work for the day. After stretching for a bit, Wonwoo shut down his laptop and headed downstairs again. To his amusement, Mingyu was bustling around the kitchen with Dabin, a floral apron decorating his figure, and his light brown hair pulled up in a hair tie, sprouting up from his forehead.

“Hey, babe,” Wonwoo laughed, pressing a kiss to Mingyu’s bare forehead. Mingyu grinned and hip bumped Wonwoo.

“You know, Wonu, before, I wasn’t too sure about the two of you living together,” Dabin teased her son, “But seeing how good Mingyu is in the kitchen, I’m glad that he’s there to watch after you.”

“Hey!” Wonwoo frowned, crossing his arms like a young child, “I’m not _that_ bad in the kitchen!”

Mingyu and Dabin both traded glances before laughing at that.

“Anybody home?” A female voice called out, laughter in her voice. The doorbell rang, and Wonwoo walked in fast strides to the front door, a big smile on his face.

He opened the door to reveal a short woman with suitcases piled around her. Behind her, a tall man with gelled platinum-blonde hair stood there awkwardly.

“Noona!” Wonwoo greeted her happily, giving her a hug. Mingyu waved to the man in recognition.

Wonwoo’s older sister, Dawon, and her boyfriend Namjoon both lived near the two in Seoul, and they often went on double dates together. Namjoon had never met their parents before, and had a _lot_ of nervous questions for Mingyu about the Jeon family.

“How are you, my dears?” Dabin bustled over to them, greeting Dawon and happily examining Namjoon.

“Mingyu, how have you been?” Namjoon greeted Mingyu with a lopsided grin.

“Hey, hyung!” Mingyu nodded, showing Namjoon where they could put their things. “Pretty good. I managed to get two weeks off.”

“No way!” Namjoon groaned, “Man, you’re so lucky that the administration like you. I could only get five days!”

Mingyu and Namjoon worked at the same hospital but in different departments—Mingyu was a pediatric nurse, working with kids, and Namjoon was a normal on-call surgeon.

“It’s because they love me,” Mingyu joked, winking at Namjoon. The two chuckled for a bit and returned to the kitchen to help the family prepare food.

+

Jisoo sighed, shutting off his phone. He was sitting in his car in the parking lot of the restaurant where the boys were meeting up, about to get out and face his fears, when his manager had frantically called him—his top charting song from his album, Body Moves, had surpassed Shawn Mendes on the Billboard Top 40, placing him at Number 3.

After glancing at himself one last time in the rearview mirror, Jisoo grabbed his wallet and coat and got out of the car.

His breath puffed from his mouth and nose, and cold droplets of water beaded on the side of his car. The steps leading to the restaurant were dangerously icy, and he stopped to help an elderly grandma down the stairs. After bowing to her, he entered Taste of Italy with a pounding heart. Toasty, garlicky air washed over him, and Jisoo asked the hostess where the party of twelve was seated.

Blushing, the woman bowed to him with an open mouth and quickly led him to a huge table at the back of the restaurant. Because of the phone call, he was a couple minutes late.

When the boys caught sight of him, everyone started yelling, and hugs were exchanged. Once everyone was settled down, Jisoo awkwardly looked for a place to sit. Mingyu, sitting next to Wonwoo trades a look with his old best friend and scoots down one chair. Wonwoo points to the vacant spot, and Jisoo gratefully takes it.

“Hey, Jisoo-ssi,” Mingyu smiles awkwardly, addressing him somewhere between formally and informally.

“Hyung is fine,” Jisoo chuckled, hanging his coat on the back of his chair.

“So, _hyung_ ,” Wonwoo teases his friend, “What did you do for the rest of the day?”

Jisoo shrugs, “Just rested at the hotel, for the most part. The charts shifted around a bit, so my manager and I were busy with that.”

“Ah really?” Mingyu leaned forward, “In your favor, right?”

Jisoo grinned proudly, “Actually, yeah. Pay My Rent went up to 15, Toothbrush went to 9, and just now Body Moves went up to 3.”

“Wow, congrats, hyung!” Wonwoo clapped his friend on the back happily.

“Toothbrush was my favorite from your EP,” Mingyu mused, nodding, “I approve of the American public’s decision.”

“Hyung,” Soonyoung looked across the table at Jisoo, confused, “Aren’t you staying with your parents while you’re back?”

Jisoo glanced down at his menu awkwardly, “Ah, both of my parents are in a retirement home now,” he explained, “I’m staying in a hotel for now, but I’m checking in on them every day.”

“Ah,” Soonyoung nodded in understanding. The conversation switched to a different subject, and Jisoo heaved a sigh of relief, glad that the attention was off of him. He looked up from his menu.

Seungcheol, seated a couple seats across from him, was staring directly at him with his dark, dark eyes. A slight shudder went down Jisoo’s spine.

“Do you still not drink, hyung?” Wonwoo nudges Jisoo. A waitress is standing there, blushing at him, with a bottle of wine in hand. The older guys had gotten their glasses filled, but most of the younger boys (with the exception of Hansol, the little brat) hadn’t.

“Yeah, I’ll take a glass,” Jisoo smiled warmly at the waitress, who giggled and carefully poured the red wine into his glass.

“Wow, America’s really changed you, huh?” Jeonghan chuckled, “You never drank in high school.”

Jisoo laughed in response and winked, “I think it’s something in the American air.”

“Hey, Cheol, what are you getting to eat?” Chan asks across the table. Immediately, talk of what to order bursts out, and Jisoo withdraws from the conversation, having already known what he wants to get.

+

_“Hurry up!” Junhui yelled from the stoplight. Jihoon and Jisoo traded glances before breaking into a run, racing to the light, which turned green right when they got there. “Finally! It took you guys forever,” Junhui complained, fixing his backpack. “We have a huge test today! We can’t be late!”_

_“Calm your tits,” Jihoon rolled his eyes, sticking the other earbud into his ear._

_Jisoo snickered, “He just doesn’t want to admit that he slept through his alarm.”_

_“Shut up!” Jihoon cried, shoving Jisoo lightly with his shoulder. The three friends burst out into laughter._

_They walked down the street, past the corner store, the bank, and the fancy Italian restaurant, Taste of Italy. Jisoo could see the businessmen inside already, treating guests to the fancy food._

_“One day, we’ll be rich enough to eat there,” Junhui mused, staring wistfully into the storefront of the Italian restaurant._

_“Prices aren’t that expensive there, Jun,” Jihoon snorted, smacking Junhui on the head, “Hurry up!”_

+

“Hyung, I ordered for you, I hope you don’t mind,” Wonwoo said lowly once Jisoo had snapped out of his daydream, “You seemed a little spaced. Butter noodles with salt and basil?” Jisoo grinned and nodded.

“You know me well,” he bumped shoulders with Wonwoo.

“Okay,” Seokmin clapped his hands, “Wonwoo, I’d really like to hear the story about how you ended up as a _translator_.”

Wonwoo grinned sheepishly, “It’s actually not that big of a deal. Translating is different from just editing, it has a more artistic aspect to it because you have to work with the author to capture the feeling of the work. Not that many people with a double major in Korean Literature and English are very artistic.”

“Hey, I got a degree in Korean Literature!” Seokmin complained playfully.

“Yeah, and that’s why you’re a receptionist and not an editor,” Soonyoung teased, “See, you’re a people person. Wonwoo here is better known as Emo Boy.”

 “Ah yes, the social recluse,” Jeonghan snickered at his friend.

“You’re not much better, Mr. Not-Really-A-Lawyer,” Wonwoo retorted.

“Hey, don’t diss the paperwork,” Jeonghan laughed along with everyone else. “You know, the story I’m really curious about is Jisoo’s. How did you end up in American entertainment?” Jisoo smiled slightly and shrugged, having anticipated the question.

“My parents thought it that me going back to America after high school would be good,” He began, “I went to UCLA and took a music class, switched my major, and then I got into doing small gigs for money when someone from Sony scouted me. That’s pretty much it,” Jisoo shrugged, “To be honest, Hansol’s big break story is probably way more interesting.”

“It’s Vernon,” The rest of the boys chorused jokingly, mocking Hansol. As Hansol started talking about his big break getting hired by Google, Jisoo looked up, only to meet Seungcheol’s eyes boring into his once again. He gulped, something uncomfortably familiar and warm curling in his stomach.

+

Choi Seungcheol had never felt like more of an idiot.

Okay, that’s a lie, but really, for Seungcheol to be lying in bed—in his parents’ house—with his earbuds plugged in, listening to Joshua Hong’s music, was pretty fucking sad.

He’d searched him up on Google and found his latest song, Body Moves. It was actually a really good song, something that he could see himself working out to. The music video was funky, brightly colored and very _Jisoo_ , in a sense. When you first meet Jisoo, he is a very quiet, nurturing person, but as Seungcheol knows, the more you get to know him, the more funny and playful he gets.

The next song was a bit older, dating to about the time that Jisoo said he’d been picked up by his label.

The tone was a lot more _sad_ , for lack of a better word. After listening to the song for a bit, he scrolled down to the comments. Most were in English, but a couple were in Korean.

_“Wah, what an amazing debut song!”_

_“so passionate!!”_

_“this song is the song that made me fall in love with him”_

Frowning, Seungcheol quickly searched for the song with Korean translation, and found a live video from the AMAs with Korean subtitles.

_I need your love_

_I need your time_

_When everything’s wrong, you make it right_

_I feel so high_

_I come alive_

_I need to be free with you tonight_

_I need your love_

Seungcheol actually swore out loud before furiously texting Jeonghan a confirmation that yup, he was still totally in love with Jisoo.

The next thing he watched was an interview, the only one in Korean that he could find. When the video loads, Jisoo is laughing at something the reporter had said. It’s pretty recent, about six months ago.

“So, Joshua-ssi,” the reporter began, “A lot of people have noticed a change in your style of music. When you first started, your music was very acoustic, almost nostalgic. Now, it’s a lot more upbeat, with funkier beats and a lot of bass. What changed in you to make that change reflect in your music?”

Jisoo smiled that radiant smile he always had, “When I was younger, I had a lot of feelings that I didn’t really know how to deal with. A friend suggested that I channel it through music, and so one of my more personal songs ended up being my break into music as an industry. For a while, my music reflected how I was still struggling with these feelings, and to be honest, I was struggling a lot with myself too. I think recently, I’ve come to terms with what happened, and I feel a lot more comfortable with myself, too.”

“And you came out,” the reporter added with a smile, and Jisoo chuckled.

“That’s right, I came out as gay,” he continued. Seungcheol’s eyes widened. “I got a lot of backlash, both good and bad, but really, my music is a reflection of myself, and I think that if I’m lying to people by using female pronouns instead of male, I’m not making good music.”

“Well, thank you, Joshua-ssi, for your time,” the reporter began wrapping up, “Up until now, this has been Joshua Hong. He writes all his music himself, and is one of the only Korean artists in the American pop scene. Please support him by listening to his latest album, DANCE, and his title track, Body Moves.”

Groaning, Seungcheol switched to his messenger app again.

_Dude_

_I legit fucked up_

_Dude pls_

_Bro_

_Help_

_Seungcheol_

_Ur actually such an idiot_

_I LOVE HIM SO MUCH WTF_

_AND HES BACK\_

_W HIS CUTE ASS_

_AND ADORABLE SMILE AND IM SO FUCKED_

_HELP_

_SEND HELP_

_ASAP_

_Literally just talk to him_

_That wont sovlve anything??_

_*solve_

_That stupid_

_Seungcheol UR stupid_

+

“I can’t believe we’ve never done a secret santa before,” Wonwoo commented, lips pursed as he scanned the Nike store for something under $20. “We’ve been friends for how long?”

Jisoo chuckled, trailing behind him. “You’re not wrong.”

“Who’d you get, anyways?” Wonwoo asked, turning to face Jisoo, clutching a pack of Nike headbands. Jisoo grinned widely.

“There’s a reason why I made sure Mingyu didn’t come shopping with us,” he snickered. “How about you?”

“Soonyoung,” Wonwoo replied, gesturing for the two to go pay. Once Wonwoo had the headbands tucked safely into his coat pocket, they made their way to The Face Shop. “I’m telling you,” Wonwoo began, leading Jisoo to the men’s hair section, “Just get him hair gel. He loves hair gel.”

Once they were done paying for the hair gel, they stopped off to get coffee in the little café, nestled inside the mall.

“Dude,” Jisoo sighed over his peppermint mocha, “When I went to America, I thought I got over him.”

“But?” Wonwoo prompted, one eyebrow raised.

“ _But_ , everything that happened at the restaurant fucked with my head,” Jisoo groaned, tugging lightly at his perfectly dyed hair, “I don’t think I ever truly got over him.”

“I don’t think he ever truly got over you either, if that helps,” Wonwoo mused, “I saw how he was looking at you.”

“Wonu, I feel like I’m back in high school,” Jisoo yelped quietly, “And I guarantee you, I really, really don’t like that feeling.”

Wonwoo’s lips curved up, “Then don’t let it be like high school.”

When it’s finally time to trade presents, someone shoved a thin but dense package into Jisoo’s hands. He carefully unwrapped the pristine wrapping paper. Someone clearly took time to wrap it neatly, with its sharp edges and barely visible tape. It was a Moleskin notebook. The cover was grey, and there was a small note tucked into the first page.

_Enjoy!_

“You got a notebook?” Soonyoung yelled loudly, his new Nike headbands (all five of them) proudly affixed over his brown hair. “Dude, what a cop-out! Who the hell did this?”

Everybody chuckled.

“It was me, actually,” Seungcheol said casually, “I remembered someone saying that you handwrite all the lyrics to your songs, so I figured that a notebook would be helpful.”

Jisoo felt that same heat curling in the pit of his stomach as Seungcheol sent him that same dimpled smile that made him fall in love all those years before, and fuck, Jisoo really never fell out of love.

“Hyung!” Jisoo is jolted out of his thoughts when Mingyu practically pounces on him, excitedly waving his hair gel in his hand. “I love my present! How did you know?” Jisoo chuckled.

“A little garden fairy told me that you love hair gel,” he replied, letting Mingyu take a seat on the couch next to him.  “How are you liking your vacation so far?”

Mingyu smiled slightly, settling back into the couch, “It’s been good. I always love spending time with Wonwoo’s family, and you guys have a really nice friend group.”

“You fit in really well with us, too,” Jisoo added, “We have a particular dynamic that makes it hard for a lot of people to like… get us. But you do, and it’s nice.”

“I hope I can stay with you guys for a long, long time,” Mingyu sighed, getting up.

+

Christmas was a quiet affair for Jisoo. He spent it with his family, exchanging small presents and meaningful smiles and stories of old times. The days leading up to New Years blended together between coffee shop trips with Jeonghan and hanging out with Mingyu, Wonwoo and Junhui.

Finally, New Years Eve rolls around, and Jisoo was expected, as all the other boys were, to go to the party that Hansol was hosting at his house. He donned a simple sports jacket and black jeans, not wanting to be too fancy. Knowing Hansol, the party would be three-fourths alcohol and one-fourth Drake music (Jisoo was right).

Mingyu and Wonwoo picked him up from his hotel. Mingyu, Jisoo noticed, was fidgeting around in his seat a lot, but Jisoo just brushed it off.

“Can’t believe the year is ending already,” Wonwoo sighed, gazing out of the window at the dark snow banks. “It went by so fast.”

“I don’t have many regrets, for once,” Jisoo smiled quietly, leaning his forehead against the cool glass of the car.

“Well, we’re here, so try not to regret tonight and don’t drink too much, okay, hyung?” Wonwoo teased, pulling up to Hansol’s large house. The three got out and were greeted by a yelling Soonyoung. One Dance pounded through the house, unsurprisingly.

Nostalgia washed over Jisoo as he hung up his coat in Hansol’s closet. It was reminiscent—too reminiscent—of high school, and Jisoo was starting to feel panicky.

“Hey, hyung!” Chan was sitting in the kitchen, guarding the many glasses of champagne with a grin. “Champagne?”

“Not tonight,” Jisoo shook his head, “I’m feeling a little out of it.”

“Well, lucky for you, it’s only about half an hour until midnight, and then you can just get going,” Chan said optimistically. Jisoo chuckled and pulled up a chair to talk with him.

The two chatted for a while, Chan more than happy to talk Jisoo’s ear off about college, work, the dance studio, and whatever came to mind.

At about fifteen minutes until midnight, Hansol powered off the music and Mingyu asked if everyone could join him in the living room.

Jisoo stood in the doorway to the kitchen, slightly behind Chan. Mingyu stood in the middle of the living room, nervously smoothing down his cardigan. Wonwoo peered cautiously into the room, obviously confused.

“I wasn’t really sure how to do this,” Mingyu began talking, clearly nervous, “And I wasn’t sure if it would be right to do this among such a tight-knit group of friends that I didn’t really belong with. But then I realized that if I was gonna do this, I should do it somewhere that you’re surrounded by love.” Jisoo gasped, and Chan squealed quietly.

Thirteen people held their breaths as Mingyu knelt to one knee, eyes trained on Wonwoo’s.

“Jeon Wonwoo, ever since I met you, I haven’t been able to get you out of my head, and I couldn’t imagine spending my life any way other than by your side, no matter what life puts us through,” shakily, Mingyu got an envelope and the tell-tale jewelry box out of his back pocket. He snapped the box open and took the contents of the envelope out, offering both to Wonwoo. “Will you marry me?”

A strange, strangled sob escaped Wonwoo’s mouth before he shoved the ring on, leaning down to hug Mingyu tightly. Soonyoung snorted (he got that weird sound on tape and plans on playing it on repeat for a while).

“What’s in the envelope, anyways?” Seokmin asked in amusement once everyone had applauded the adorable couple. Wonwoo laughed through his tears.

“Plane tickets to San Francisco,” he explained, “I have relatives in San Francisco who offered to let me get married over there when they found out I was gay.” Turning to Mingyu, a wide smile spread across his face, “I can’t believe you remembered me telling you about that! That was years ago.”

Mingyu grinned his stupid, easy grin back, “That’s when I realized I wanted to propose to you. You told me about it, and I couldn’t get the idea of flying to San Francisco and marrying you out of my head.”

“Five minutes, everyone!” Jeonghan yelled loudly, “Grab the champagne!” Jisoo was retreating slightly when someone caught his elbow.

“Hey, Jisoo, can we talk real quick?” Seungcheol asked quietly, gesturing to one of Hansol’s empty guest bedrooms.

Brow crinkled, Jisoo glanced down at the hand resting on Jisoo’s forearm.  He felt his heartbeat speed up. “Uh, why?”

“Four minutes!”

Seungcheol looked Jisoo straight in the eye, and Jisoo felt those same old sparks in his stomach.

“Please.”

Jisoo took a deep breath before nodding, letting Seungcheol lead him into Hansol’s bedroom. His head began spinning, and his chest closed up.

“Three minutes!”

The two stood there awkwardly, Seungcheol scratching the back of his neck.

“What did you need to tell me, Seungcheol?” Jisoo asked, trying to not be too harsh.

Seungcheol let out a shaky breath, one that he’d been holding for a while. Looking back up at Jisoo with his sparkling, puppy eyes, he responded, “I don’t really know how to do this. I’ve never done this before, and to be honest, I’m so nervous I feel like I’m gonna pass out.”

Jisoo felt like ice was running through his veins. He was scared of what was happening because there were multiple things that _could_ be happening, and he wasn’t too comfortable with either.

“Two minutes!”

Jisoo narrowed his eyes. “Look, man, I think you’ve just had too much to drink. Why don’t we just talk later, just go back and join everyo—“

“Fucking god, no,” Seungcheol groaned, tugging at his hair, his eyes meeting Jisoo’s again, “I need to do this now, or I’ll never forgive myself.”

“One minute, everyone!”

“Look. That night on the class field trip—“

Jisoo felt his chest tighten more, and his heartbeat sped up. His vision began swimming as panic flooded his system. He began backing up, trying to get out of the room, but his back only hit wall—Seungcheol had closed the door on the way in.

“Jisoo, please,” Seungcheol pleaded, “Listen to me.”

“Seungcheol, stop,” Jisoo could feel hot tears sliding down his cheeks, the same fright and panic of that night crashing back around him. He felt embarrassed, vulnerable, stupid.

**“10!”**

“Jisoo, please, look at me.”

**“9!”**

Jisoo felt his body shaking, “Seungcheol, stop, please, I get it, you hate me.”

**“8!”**

“I could never hate you.”

**“7!”**

“Seungcheol, please, just leave me alone.”

**“6!”**

Jisoo felt like his body was shattering and being stitched together at the same time.

**“5!”**

Seungcheol stepped closer to Jisoo, eyes moving over his face. Jisoo could feel the breath caught in his throat, eyes frantically darting over Seungcheol’s glassy eyes, his long, long eyelashes, the absence of those dimples.

**“4!”**

“I messed up that night, Jisoo, I’m so, so sorry.”

**“3!”**

“Seungcheol, please—“

**“2!”**

“Jisoo, I love you.”

“ **1! Happy New Year!”**

Jisoo felt hazy. His eyes were closed at that point, his chest felt like it was going to explode, and there was something soft pressed against his lips.

People were cheering, screaming, and another bottle of champagne was popped.

Slowly, Jisoo opened his eyes, lips still against Seungcheol’s. He closed his eyes and tilted his head, drawing closer to Seungcheol, clutching onto Seungcheol’s worn leather jacket for support as the kiss got deeper and deeper.

They finally parted, the air still for one long moment as the two stared at each other. And then, as all good things do, it came crashing down as Jisoo realized what had happened.

“Choi Seungcheol, I never want to see you again. The only reason why you’re talking to me is because I’m not a nobody anymore and your stupid, egocentric self can be seen with me.” Jisoo snarled, before storming off in pursuit of Jeonghan.

Jeonghan manages to bundle him off to his car and get him to the hotel. When he asked if Jisoo wanted Jeonghan to stay, Jisoo just mutely shook his head and retreated into his room. Jeonghan knew Jisoo well enough to not pry when he was upset.

Jisoo was a mess. He was sobbing, snot everywhere, shaking, clawing at his skin. All the anxiety, the awkwardness, the pain from high school was flooding back in an overwhelming tsunami. Trembling, Jisoo stumbled to the bathtub, yanking his shoes off before collapsing into it, running hot water.

Through everything, he could vaguely register his phone ringing in the pocket of his jeans, but he settled for sinking down low enough so that only his nose and eyes remained above water.

_The only reason why people like me is for my image._

_He doesn’t love me for me._

_He doesn’t love me._

_He’ll never love me._

+

The next morning, Jisoo was feeling considerably better. The only evidence from the night before were his puffy eyes, swollen from crying himself to sleep (even if he only got two hours of sleep) and the 102 voice messages from various people—Wonwoo, Junhui, Jeonghan, Jihoon, even Mingyu.

He decided to hit the gym for a bit, figuring that it would take his mind off of everything. Jisoo was just getting off the elevator in the lobby of the hotel when he hears someone making a loud commotion. A second later, he realized that it was Seungcheol.

Seungcheol was _yelling_ at the receptionist, and looked like a complete mess. He was wearing the same clothing as the day before, his eyes were puffy and bloodshot and he was shivering.

“For the ninth and final time,” the receptionist said coldly, “You are not authorized to visit Mr. Hong. If you don’t leave the premises, I’ll have to call security to escort you away.”

Jisoo sighed to himself, mentally scolded himself for being such a softie, and went up to the receptionist.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jisoo said kindly, “Thank you for your service.”

Seungcheol looked up at Jisoo like he was an angel.

“Follow me,” Jisoo punched the button for the elevator furiously. Never mind a nice, relaxing morning workout.

“Jisoo,” Seungcheol breathed out, following Jisoo blindly into the elevator. The entire ride up, Jisoo observed Seungcheol quietly.

“Have you been here the whole night?” Jisoo asked quietly, unlocking the room door. Seungcheol nodded. Jisoo groaned, gesturing for Seungcheol to take a seat on the corner of his bed.

Seungcheol did as he was told, and Jisoo hurried to the bathroom, wetting a towel with warm water. Carefully, Jisoo wiped off Seungcheol’s eyes, knowing from experience that they were probably burning. With a sigh, Jisoo smoothed out his black hair, and Seungcheol leaned slightly into his touch.

Seungcheol smiled wistfully, “you were always such a caring person.”

“Seungcheol,” Jisoo raised an eyebrow, taking a seat next to Seungcheol on the edge of the bed. “Why are you here.”

“To talk to you,” Seungcheol responded plainly. “What you said last night, about me, about you, wasn’t true.”

“Explain.”

+

Seungcheol looked nervously down at the white envelope that he held in one sweaty palm, and at the boquet of flowers—yellow tulips—in the other. After giving himself a mental pep talk, Seungcheol punched the button of the Hong residence doorbell. After a few short seconds, Jisoo’s mom answered the door with a confused face.

“Seungcheol?” She asked, peering down at him, “What on earth are you doing here?”

“W-what?” Seungcheol felt something flood his veins. It was the same feeling as whenever he fucked up, chose his basketball friends over his old ones, whenever he ignored people making fun of Jisoo.

“Honey, didn’t you know?” Jisoo’s mom said gently, “Jisoo left for America last night. He’s going to college there.”

Numbly, Seungcheol handed the flowers to her, saying that it was a present for her, before walking home. The entire way home, he kept calling Jisoo’s number, only to get the same message.

_“The number you have dialed cannot be reached. Please check the number, and dial again. You may have entered incorrectly, or the user may have been disconnected.”_

+

“You know, I called you every single night for the entire summer.”

Jisoo sighed again and looked over at Seungcheol, who was studying him with those same dark eyes. He tried to ignore the feeling in his stomach.

“Jisoo, I’ve been in love with you for nine years. Nine years of my life I’ve been waiting for you. I _still_ have that letter that I brought to your house, the letter that I was gonna confess with. ”

“Seungcheol, it’s not that easy,” Jisoo placed a hand on Seungcheol’s knee, tracing the seam with his index finger. “Cheol, you hurt me. Badly. For the entire first year of college, I could barely sleep at night because I kept having nightmares. Nightmares about you, about that school trip, about those assholes.”

“I’m so, so sorry,” Seungcheol apologized, “I would give up anything in the world to go back in time and keep you from getting hurt. You’re the last person I would ever want to hurt, and I was such a stupid kid.”

“But you did, Seungcheol,” Jisoo smiled a sort of pained half smile, running a hand through Seungcheol’s hair again.

“Let me make it up to you.”

“Huh?”

“Let me make it up to you before you go back to America,” Seungcheol said firmly, “I’ll do my best to make up for all those times I hurt you.”

Jisoo met Seungcheol’s eyes again. All he could see was care, a fire to prove himself, and that sparkle that made him fall in love.

“Alright,” Jisoo nodded, scooting over in the bed, “Maybe I’m being weak, or vulnerable, or stupid. But first things first, come here and get some sleep. You haven’t slept in way too long, and I don’t want you to pass out.”

Seungcheol smiled, completely in love with how incredibly caring Jisoo was. He crawled over to join Jisoo, one arm wrapped around Jisoo’s waist like when they were young, much younger.

“I’m sorry, Jisoo,” Seungcheol murmured, nuzzling into Jisoo’s neck, “I don’t ever want to be the cause of your pain again.”

“It’s ok,” Jisoo sighed into Seungcheol’s bigger frame, “I trust you.”

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope u enjoyed pls comment + talk to me on tumblr (junhhoes) and twitter (hobiphobia)


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